I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
