There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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