There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize