Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
