I CAN MOONWALK!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
