I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
