you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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