Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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