How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
