Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
