He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I came so hard my ears popped.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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