Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize