rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
