She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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