This is not my ceiling
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
smell my finger.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
