two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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