he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
