do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
