Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
