I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
