I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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