Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
