i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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