He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how does that bad decision feel?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
