We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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