You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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