Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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