He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
