You're so nebulous sometimes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
