I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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