Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
