before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
