I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
