Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
