fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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