just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
