I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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