Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
