"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
