I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Found your dick twin last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
