I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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