He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
