I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
