the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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