I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
