EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
