no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
two words...techno handjob
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
