Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
