Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
