I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
