I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
