You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
