Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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