$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
