I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
