Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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