I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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