Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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