you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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