just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
