My room smells like vodka and shame
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
