why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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