Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
