Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
