Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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