i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
