our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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