Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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