thus making me awesome and them whores
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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