Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
