No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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