I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
