I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
