so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
