I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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