the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
