Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
